This has to be the most asked question for the first three months (or more) after the wedding. After they get a bit tired of that one, they go to: Sooooo, are you pregnant yet? And let me tell you one thing: it does us no good any of them questions but specially the second one.
To the first one I simply say: life is no different that it was before. We have lived together for 5 years before getting married so all that’s changed is that he is now my husband and not my boyfriend (and I love that a damn lot) and that we both wear a lovely wedding ring. Getting married was a dream come true, specially for me and that is all. We are happier every day that goes by.
The one thing that might have changed – and more for me than for him – is the excitement of planning our future. We already did this before but with other things (like planning a wedding). After the wedding day and honeymoon are long gone, you kind of go through the wedding blues and you feel like you have to find something else to entertain yourself with. A new trip, house renovation, whatever may feel right for you. That’s pretty damn exciting. It may also be that you will be trying for a baby and that is why that question is so often asked right after your wedding. It is asked way too often and it is completely unnecessary. That’s que one question that actually turns my insides upside down. At the end of the day, people don’t know if we are trying or even if we have been trying since before the wedding. Also, why does everyone have to assume that everyone wants a baby after the wedding? Is there a chronological order on how we are suppose to do things? Some people might still not feel ready or are more career orientated and there is nothing wrong with that.
Don’t get me wrong, we do want a baby but my point is: people that are trying for a baby don’t have (or want) to be reminded every day that they aren’t pregnant yet. It is quite upsetting, frustrating and it can really bring someone down. Pretending that everything is ok and that “it will come when time is right” get’s a bit exhausting and it just does no one any good. And people that don’t want a baby don’t have to feel guilty by wanting it that way.
So let’s be kinder to each other and ask the baby question only when people are actually pregnant – and even then, you might want to take them slowly. Everyone is fighting a battle, we just don’t know which battle is that. But if it happens to be pregnancy related, that little question that might be quite exciting for you to ask can be quite devastating for someone to hear.
*Photos taken in York and Knaresborough.
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